Grayson, you know, my baby, is 18 months old today. I dare you to ask me how I feel about that.
My heartstrings are being pulled in a million directions today. On one hand, I am filled with pure joy when I get a chance to truly stare at our boy. I am in awe of God's creation, and so very thankful that he is growing up healthy and strong. On the other hand, my heart hurts something fierce. My youngest son isn't really a baby anymore. Slowly but surely, the signs of having an infant are disappearing from our house. Bottles are packed up. Infant car seats, swings, bouncers, and excercise saucers are no where to be found. Waking up in the middle of the night only happens when our boys are sick or have to go to the bathroom, and we no longer have to hold utensils for either child. Baby toys are packed away, and all that remains are things that Griffin and Grayson play with together. My youngest son is officially a toddler who explores the world like nobody's business.
While so many mothers long for the hard days to be over, I, at times, want them to linger a little longer. As everyone knows, Griffin and Grayson will be our only children, at least biologically. For many reasons, including the fact that my pregnancies don't go so well, Brandon and I are officially done bringing children into this world. And while I am beyond 100% on board with this decision, and I am convinced that our family size is perfect and how it should be, it is still hard to know that every stage that Grayson passes through will be my last. Before I know it, sippy cups will be a thing of the past, the crib will be gone, whole milk will no longer be in our fridge, and I will long for the days I could carry my kiddos on my hip.
So, today, my heart is full of mixed emotions. I love watching and listening to Grayson finally start to talk, and I am brought to the brink of tears when I see my two boys play together. Like really play t.o.g.e.t.h.e.r. My heart skips a beat when I hear Grayson call my name out loud, and the accomplishment of him being able to name numerous body parts never gets old. Yet, I am thrilled that he is still small enough to sit rear-facing, we still have to add formula to his whole milk, and he still fits into 12 month clothes. God knew I wanted to hold on just a little longer to my baby boy!
Happy 18 Month Birthday, my precious Grayson!