Lately, I have been struck by the fact that I know quite a few people who have struggled with infertility or miscarriages. These incredible women long to be mothers or long to have more children, but for whatever reason, they have struggled to conceive or have lost their precious angel babies.
This perplexes me. Why did God grant me the ability to conceive so easily both times? Yes, my pregnancies were rough, but we never struggled to get pregnant, and I never had to say goodbye to a child growing inside of me. Why did God allow for me to have the two children that I want? I am no more special than the women (and men) in my life who haven't been granted that same privilege, so I know that it is nothing I have done or they have/haven't done. Once again, this perplexes me. How do I live knowing that I became a mother so easily, while others have not?
While I struggle to answer those questions, I do know this: I was given my two children for a reason, and I don't want to waste my prime years of motherhood worrying about my house being perfectly clean, my kids matching perfectly (okay...let's be honest, I will probably still do that!), serving perfectly nutritious meals, or constantly worrying about what other people think of me and my family. Instead, I want to live in the moment. I want to cherish the firsts, but like my favorite children's book says, remember the lasts. I want to say yes to cuddling, even if that means my kitchen sink remains full. I want to say yes to wrestling, even if it means Griffin can't write all of his letter perfectly. I want to read the Bible with my (and other) kiddos, even if it means missing my favorite television show. I want to remember that my children will only be small for a matter of moments, and I want to take it ALL in. ALL IN...The whining, the lack of sleep when children are teething or sick, the timeouts, the tantrums because I say no, the hugs, the kisses, the snotty noses. I WANT TO CHERISH IT ALL! God formed two wonderful boys inside of me, and I don't want to waste the incredible gift of motherhood. I strive to not take being a mother to my two precious men for granted. We are not guaranteed a tomorrow on earth, but we are guaranteed a wonderful today if we choose to accept it.
I was blessed with a wonderful family. I come home to a husband who loves and adores me, and my children are healthy and beautiful both inside and out. I want to focus on that. Lord, help me remember to focus on that.